The downside? I thought Baby A+'s head was going to start spinning like Poltergeist by the end of the week. She was so out of sorts and overtired from all the going to and fro, family and happenings. And when Baby is unhappy, ain't nobody happy. Or well-rested. Her nighttime sleeping went from a blissful 8pm-6am, maybe getting up once or twice to nurse to a choppy no-rhyme-or-reason sleeping in a few hour blocks and then screaming in between. Last night was the first night in a week that she was able to sleep from 10p-6a, getting up only twice. I got 7 hours of sleep last night. Hoorah!
Before anyone leaves a snarky comment that we are lucky that she has been sleeping well at all, babies are sensitive, hard work, "my baby didn't sleep through the night until he was 27 years old" or anything else of that nature, let me say that I know, I know, I know. Still, it's PAINFUL--physically and mentally. Especially after she had been sleeping so well, so we knew she could do it, it just stunk to High Heaven that she was sleeping so poorly. I felt terribly for her that she felt and was so disrupted, and I felt guilty for wishing the little stinkbug would just go to sleep. In fact the lullaby I sing to her each night changed this week from something like "you are my muffin, my sweet little baby; I love you so, I don't mean maybe" to a mandate of "Go to sleep and stay asleep; your parents are tired".
I was so desparate that on Friday I went to the library and checked out every book on babies and sleeping that I could find. If it had "happy", "baby" and "sleep" in the title, I checked it out. I didn't even look at the content to see if it was worth reading; I was so tired that I wouldn't have noticed if I checked out, "Make Your Baby Happy: Drink a Few Pints of Guinness and She'll Sleep for Days!" Heck, maybe I did check that one out. (For any concerned readers out there, we would never and have never given Baby A+ alcohol. I don't even know if we have more than a bottle of cooking wine in our house.) I have been very anti-sleep training; I figure babies are fairly self-regulating and if we give her gentle and loving care, a safe environment, and as much consistency as possible, she will regulate herself. Eventually. And in the mean time, we, the parents, suck it up. As I said very inarticulately to another mom in a new mom's group who had her three-week old on a sleeping and feeding schedule (horrifying!) when she asked me, no joke, "How do you, like, meet her needs all the time?": I didn't have a child so that my life wouldn't change.
I accept that I don't get to sleep, nap, go out, do whatever I want when I want to now. It doesn't mean that I practive self-abnegation either, but small babies need what they need when they need it. All that said, I understand why people let their babies "cry it out" and "train" them to sleep, or at least, accept being ignored/abandoned in their crib. I understand. I thought about it this week. I thought about putting her in her crib and going into another room to sleep. And if she cried, oh well, she could deal because I needed some sleep. But the problem is, she can't deal. She is working on learning to self-soothe and she is leaps and bounds ahead of where she was even a month ago, and when she wakes up in the night, sometimes she can get herself back to sleep now. But sometimes she can't. And sometimes she can calm herself down when she's upset. But sometimes she can't. And my job is not to abandon her, or in less damning terms, leave her, to figure it out. My job is to help her figure it out. And that means reading her cues, paying attention, and not swooping in too quickly but not leaving her to struggle much beyond her abilities right now.
I didn't have a child so that my life wouldn't change.
I really wrote this for myself as a reminder. I feel really strongly about this but stong feelings or conviction can be tested by pain and sleep deprivation. That said, if you feel judged or criticized by what I wrote, and you are over the age of one, you can kiss my patoot, suck it up and deal. If you feel judged or criticized by it, and you are a baby, cry all you want and I will come give you a snuggle.
3 comments:
Every parent has different (strong) opinions about sleep training, but if you're still on a reading streak, this is the book that worked best for us:
http://www.amazon.com/90-Minute-Baby-Sleep-Program-Natural/dp/0761143114
And my pastor swears by The Baby Whisperer book. Both operate on the same principle, that babies sleep and wake in cycles that you can time to predict their naps. I've found it to be a real sanity-saver.
But don't worry about soothing Baby A+ when she needs it; she's still tiny! "Sleep training" generally doesn't work before they're six to eight months old. G and I have let our own Baby A "cry it out" within reason, but his sleep patterns still change every few weeks, so it's an ongoing process. Any mom who thinks she has her 3-week-old on a set schedule is in for a rude awakening at some point! (Also: was the baby early? Cuz premature babies tend to sleep a lot for the first few weeks and then abruptly snap out of it.)
Thanks, Gwynne. Turns out the 90 Minute Baby Sleep Program is one of the books I checked out. I'll give it a read. I was feeling upset today because I know she is too little/young for a schedule and yet, I get to this exasperated point where I want her to be on a schedule and to stick with it!
As for crying it out, we may get to that at some point. She's just not ready for it now. Too much, too soon. Like I said, she's growing more and more and getting better at self-soothing but I don't think she's ready to get herself to sleep, especially when she's overtired. And don't think that A+ never has to cry. She despises tummy time but I make her do it anyway. Such a mean mom.
Great post H. Thanks!
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